She was devastated. She didn't know what her next move would be , and she couldn't stop the thoughts in her head. They were scattered all over her mind like Fall leaves. As she laid down surrounded by nothing but darkness she thought back on her life as far as she could . She didn't trust men , but it was so much more to it then just having her heart broken . It all started when she was about 9 years old.
She went to this church with her mother that she couldn't remember the name to. She loved that church because mostly everyone that went there was family , even the pastor. She loved everything about that church, the kids bible study was her favorite. She could recite a few scriptures , as well as repeat all of the Old Testament chapters to you in order. She always felt safe there until this one man took that away. He had a very dark skin tone. He had black curly hair but some of it was missing at the time. He wasn't very tall but he had an ok height. She was only nine then so everyone was tall to her then. He also had a little pudgy stomach , with broad strong arms. His name was Bernard. One day he took her into a back room inside of the church , sat her on his lap facing him , stuck his hands inside her pants and began to feel on her bare bottom. She was so young and scared that she just sat there at first. She tried to wiggle away but he held her tighter and in between kissing on her forehead he said "it's ok , dont be scared." She was just about to cry as loud as possible when she heard the voices of little kids just like her running towards the room he had her in. As he hurried and let her go , she felt relieved that God did not allow him to go any further. She quickly ran out the room, and never looked back. She also never told anyone ever.
Fast forwarding to her 17th year a similar situation occurred, but this time much much worse. It was July 16th, 2010 a Friday. School had been out and everyone missed each other , so her and her friends planned a hotel party for their school friends . She didn't have a car so she called one of her friends ( or so she thought ) to come pick up her and her sister. his name was Hakeem. She met him at school , they have math class together. He's light complexioned, with his hair cut low, and he's about average height. He had his flaws in personality but I mean who doesn't. Once they got to the hotel everyone started coming. It got So packed so fast and unfortunately there was a lot of under age drinking going on. She had so much to drink that she was out of it. She remembers her sister getting into it with her boyfriend and he ended up coming to get her to take her home. She never though that she should've left with her until that next morning. When she woke up the next morning her head was pounding like like an angry drummer. She called her sister and let her know she was on her way back home. When Hakeem dropped her off he said something that she didn't quite understand when she got out of the car.
" what are you doing today ? he asked . "
" I think my sister and I will go swimming , she answered. "
"How are you going to go swimming and you're on your period, ? He asked her immediately regretting it afterwards. "
"How do you know that i'm on my period ? She wondered .
" You don't remember , you told me when you were drunk, he defended himself "
Although she blew it off she knew something wasn't right about that. She hated her period , she hated everything about it. She knew that no matter how drunk she was she would have NEVER told anyone she was on her period. Even if there was ever a possibility that she would, what could they have been talking about for her to give him the response that she was on her period.
She walked inside of the house head full of un answered questions, and immediately ran up the steps to brush her teeth. While she was brushing her teeth , she looked in the mirror and saw something that was a Purple-ish , Red color on her neck. When she realized what it was everything from last night flashed in her mind like a movie and she broke down crying.
FLASHBACK
She was so drunk that that her friend Jakyl laid her head down on a pillow and told her to go to sleep. The pillow was so soft that she had no choice but to lay down and go to sleep. she remembers waking up in the middle of the night with her pants down, and someone on top of her. She realized who it was and couldn't believe it.
"Hakeem , what are you doing, she slurred. Please stop , she said helplessly. "
" Hold on girl you got some wet, he said sickly . "
She couldn't believe what was happening . She tried to move but she was still so drunk that she couldn't. she turned her head as much as she could to see where everyone else was at, and why no one would help her. The only thing she saw were feet, arms , and legs hanging off the bed. Everyone was drunk sleep. All she could do was cry. She never felt so helpless in her life. She was betrayed by someone she thought was a friend.
As she sat on the bathroom floor crying, she felt sick. She didn't know if he used a condom or not , she didn't know if he came inside of her or not, she didn't know if he gave her a disease or not. She was disgusted. She began throwing up until her sister came running into the bathroom. She told her sister everything, and her sister was so angry she cried with her. She wanted someone to beat him up bad, hurt him like he hurt her. But soon she found out that she didn't have many friends like she thought she had. Of course he lied about it, there was never any way of proving anything to anyone because its always going to be my word against his.
She's been depressed for a long time now because of it. Her self esteem is gone and her confidence is broken. She blamed herself for everything. If she hadn't been drinking in the first place none of this would have happened. If she would have just left when her sister left, she would've been good. Now she goes through it with another man because she feels like that's what she deserves.
Fast forwarding to her 17th year a similar situation occurred, but this time much much worse. It was July 16th, 2010 a Friday. School had been out and everyone missed each other , so her and her friends planned a hotel party for their school friends . She didn't have a car so she called one of her friends ( or so she thought ) to come pick up her and her sister. his name was Hakeem. She met him at school , they have math class together. He's light complexioned, with his hair cut low, and he's about average height. He had his flaws in personality but I mean who doesn't. Once they got to the hotel everyone started coming. It got So packed so fast and unfortunately there was a lot of under age drinking going on. She had so much to drink that she was out of it. She remembers her sister getting into it with her boyfriend and he ended up coming to get her to take her home. She never though that she should've left with her until that next morning. When she woke up the next morning her head was pounding like like an angry drummer. She called her sister and let her know she was on her way back home. When Hakeem dropped her off he said something that she didn't quite understand when she got out of the car.
" what are you doing today ? he asked . "
" I think my sister and I will go swimming , she answered. "
"How are you going to go swimming and you're on your period, ? He asked her immediately regretting it afterwards. "
"How do you know that i'm on my period ? She wondered .
" You don't remember , you told me when you were drunk, he defended himself "
Although she blew it off she knew something wasn't right about that. She hated her period , she hated everything about it. She knew that no matter how drunk she was she would have NEVER told anyone she was on her period. Even if there was ever a possibility that she would, what could they have been talking about for her to give him the response that she was on her period.
She walked inside of the house head full of un answered questions, and immediately ran up the steps to brush her teeth. While she was brushing her teeth , she looked in the mirror and saw something that was a Purple-ish , Red color on her neck. When she realized what it was everything from last night flashed in her mind like a movie and she broke down crying.
FLASHBACK
She was so drunk that that her friend Jakyl laid her head down on a pillow and told her to go to sleep. The pillow was so soft that she had no choice but to lay down and go to sleep. she remembers waking up in the middle of the night with her pants down, and someone on top of her. She realized who it was and couldn't believe it.
"Hakeem , what are you doing, she slurred. Please stop , she said helplessly. "
" Hold on girl you got some wet, he said sickly . "
She couldn't believe what was happening . She tried to move but she was still so drunk that she couldn't. she turned her head as much as she could to see where everyone else was at, and why no one would help her. The only thing she saw were feet, arms , and legs hanging off the bed. Everyone was drunk sleep. All she could do was cry. She never felt so helpless in her life. She was betrayed by someone she thought was a friend.
As she sat on the bathroom floor crying, she felt sick. She didn't know if he used a condom or not , she didn't know if he came inside of her or not, she didn't know if he gave her a disease or not. She was disgusted. She began throwing up until her sister came running into the bathroom. She told her sister everything, and her sister was so angry she cried with her. She wanted someone to beat him up bad, hurt him like he hurt her. But soon she found out that she didn't have many friends like she thought she had. Of course he lied about it, there was never any way of proving anything to anyone because its always going to be my word against his.
She's been depressed for a long time now because of it. Her self esteem is gone and her confidence is broken. She blamed herself for everything. If she hadn't been drinking in the first place none of this would have happened. If she would have just left when her sister left, she would've been good. Now she goes through it with another man because she feels like that's what she deserves.
