Love is Blind 2 .......

 Why did she ever go back ? Why is Love so strong ? Why can't she let go ? She thought . I mean they say you attract who you are right ? Is this Gods way of showing her who She is/was ? She tried to think back , she couldn't remember being this selfish to anyone. She was never this mean to anyone was she ? She thought back harder . What about that guy Jamar ? You broke up with him to go with that other guy right ? But she was way too young then she didn't even think that mattered . That didn't count she thought . Then she thought harder and suddenly only one clear name clouded her mind . Maurice !!!! He was a guy that she really liked more then she ever liked anyone and he liked her too a lot . They were happy together . He did anything for her with no hesitation. He was every women's dream man . But no one wanted to see them happy with each other . Their Love for each other stirred up

A lot of hateful feelings from loved ones . She didn't want him to have to choose between family and her so she just let him go . She didn't give an explanation or anything she just stopped talking to him .  

     Could that be the reason she's going through what she's going through ? Or maybe because she broke up with him to go with the guy she's going with now as well.  Still she couldn't remember ever treating a guy like this . She was always honest if ever asked anything . She was very sincere and always let a man feel like a man . 

She seemed so strong on the outside . If you were to see her you wouldn't think anything was going on . I mean her smile brightens up the day like the middle of spring  . Her laugh warms your heart . And her head is always held as high as a giraffes. But the inside ; the inside ached as if she just ran a 100 mile race . Her heart pounded slowly , as if it was going to give out soon . Her mind was gone , she didn't even know who she was anymore . Her confidence slowly began to fade. 

  "Am I ugly", ? She asked herself . What's wrong with me ? Is it my body ? Is it because my teeth aren't super straight like every other girl  ? Is it because I don't have the hair that every guy dreams of ? Is it my voice ? Is it because my voice is deep ? Is it because of my personality ? Everyone thinks I'm a gangster but I'm really an innocent little girl on the inside . Is it because I have big dark brown eyes ? TELL ME WHAT IT IS , HER MIND SCREAMED AT HER .

   She was so lost she began questioning God , which she soon regretted afterwards. God why ? Why did you make me like this ? Why did you make me this way ? Why couldn't I be one of those super pretty girls that all the guys drool over ? Why did I have to have so many brothers growing up ? I hate myself . I hate my voice . I hate my body . I hate my teeth . I hate my eyes . I hate everything about me !!!!! Just take me away please !!??

    What's happening to me ? She wondered ! I've never questioned God before !! I'm sorry Father ! I will never question you again ! I don't know what came over me she  cried ! But please just take me with you ! I don't want to be on earth anymore . I want to be with you . I want to be at peace . I want to get away from all the negativity , the drama , the lies , the betrayal , the deception , the wickedness of this world , and the evil spirits ! I don't want it God . Please forgive me for all my sins Father . Grab my hand and take me with you she begged as tears streamed down her face like an overflowing sink . 

To be continued .........

  

LOVE IS BLIND........

 Her heart raced like a nascar on it's last round . She felt the blood boiling beneath her skin like a pot of water right before the hot dogs are done. Her skin became hotter than a summer day in Texas. She thought about crying but there were too many emotions running through her body to be vulnerable. She knew she couldn't show any sign of weakness or he would soon use that to his advantage. She had to stay strong. Her mind searched for questions, answers, or just anything to say. But as she hung up from the last girl telling her unwanted information about the guy she loves all she could do was scream.

     She raced up the two flights of steps with rage on her mind, the feeling of deceit , betrayal, foolishness, and disappointment in her heart. She felt betrayed because he told her he would never do this to her , she was deceived by love , she felt disappointed because she thought he was better then that, but most of all she felt foolish. Foolish enough to believe anyone could want only her , anyone could Love only her. foolish enough to believe that he would never do anything like that to her. Most of all Foolish because she knew the whole time, there was never any physical proof , but she always had that hunch that only a women would understand.

      She always wondered what she would do if she was ever in a situation like this; today was the day she was going to find out.
    " HOW COULD YOU ", she screamed as she threw the phone at him hard enough to know she was mad , but gentle enough to not really do any physical damage. 
          " YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME, YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO ME, YOU LIED , I HATE YOU , I HATE YOU , I HATE YOU ", She continued to scream.
      Although she didn't mean those words, she let her anger take over her and that's all she could say at the time. She has never been so upset in her life. She's known for smiling and laughing, she didn't even know that a person could have so much anger inside them. Where did this rage come from , she wondered. How could she let herself become this mad ? How could she let someone else take her this much out of her character ?
       It didn't matter because at this point she was done, she didn't know where her anger would take her, she didn't know how this situation would turn out but she didn't care. She was hurt , fed up and tired of the lies. She does everything for this man. She cooks, She cleans, She works, supports him financially , rubs him down , show him how much everything he does for her is appreciated, pleases him how no other women could  or so she thought. Most of all she was LOYAL. She's never been disloyal to him. She couldn't understand why he would be so disloyal to her. 

          " Calm down baby , I'm sorry. It wasn't noting like that. I Love you and only you. I only want you. Them Bxtches don't mean shxt to me. They can never be you. " He replied with his eyes full of tears , and heart full of shame.

    " THEN WHY DID YOU DO IT, YOU TOLD ME YOU NEVER HAD SEX WITH NO OTHER GIRLS, AND IT'S BEEN OVER FIVE, YOU HAD A WHOLE DIFFERENT PHONE FOR TWO YEARS AND I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT. HOW COULD YOU BE SO DECEITFUL ? AM I THAT BAD OF A GIRLFRIEND ? DID YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AT ALL ? HOW COULD YOU , HOW COULD YOU ? 
      She couldn't hold back the tears any longer.  The tears just fell like a rainy day in Columbus, Ohio. She was mad that she let him see how much she cared. she hated this feeling. Her brother always told her never let a man see your weakness , and now she understood why. Her chest was so tight it felt like she couldn't even breathe. What was there to do now ? Was It all over ? She has to let him go now right ? Or was it her fault ? Did she drive him to do this because she gets upset sometimes ? Did she care too much ? Shouldn't a Women be treated better than this ? If a Man really loves a Women he wouldn't treat her this way right ? But all men make mistakes right ? Should she start over with a new guy , and find a new love ? But won't she just have to go through the same lies , and betrayal all over again ? So What's the point ? Aren't you supposed to fight for what you Love ? How do you know when to stop fighting ? So many questions ran through her brain, that it felt as if she was going to explode.

   He didn't show the affection that she felt she deserved. to be honest he acted as if he didn't care at all. she was so mad that she just hit him over and over again, she only stopped long enough to rest her arms, then she began again. he grabbed her arms and held her close. The scent of cocoa butter , Irish Spring moisture blast body wash , and his powdered deodorant filled her nose. Just like that she melted in his arms. he began to weep telling her exactly what she wanted to hear. In her heart she knew it was all lies. she knew she shouldn't believe him. She knew that he would do it all over again if she gave in this easy.

     But something just wouldn't let her let go , and she gave in just like that .






      TO BE CONTINUED...........................................

W O M E N

           AS THE WIND BLOWS, HER HAIR RISES FROM HER SHOULDERS AND FLOWS IN THE WIND. HER ARMS ARE AS SOFT AS A BABY'S SKIN, AND HER LEGS APPEAR WEAK BUT THEY'RE REALLY AS STRONG AS ONE WHO HAS BEEN CLIMBING MOUNTAINS ALL THEIR LIFE. AS SHE WALKS SHE LOOKS DOWN AT THE GROUND, SHE SEES THE DIRT, AND SUDDENLY REALIZES THAT HER EYES ARE JUST AS BROWN AND DULL AS THE DIRT ON THE GROUND. SHE TOUCHES HER DAMP CHEEKS ON HER FACE AND FEELS MORE WATER FILLING UP HER EYELIDS. AS THE THOUGHT OF GIVING UP RACED THROUGH HER MIND LIKE A NASCAR ON ITS LAST ROUND, SHE ALMOST CONSIDERED IT. BUT, THEN SHE GRABBED HER CHEST, AND LISTENED IN RELIEF TO THE SOUND OF HER HEARTBEAT. IT EASED HER MIND, AND RELAXED HER THOUGHTS, BECAUSE SHE KNEW NO MATTER HOW BAD HER SITUATION WAS GOD STILL GAVE HER THE GIFT OF LIFE, AND AS LONG AS HER HEART BEAT, SHE KNEW IT WASN'T OVER YET, SHE STILL HAD ANOTHER CHANCE.


         WOMAN; an adult female person, as distinguished from a girl or a man.

2. a wife.

3. a female lover or sweetheart.

4. a female servant or attendant.

5. women collectively; womankind.

6. the nature, characteristics, or feelings often attributed to women; womanliness.

 None of these definitions describe what a Woman is. No one in the world could ever describe what a woman is except for a woman. 

   

      Being a Woman is one of the most difficult things to do in this society especially today, but all in the same breath it's a blessing. See as a women we have to watch every thing we do.

AGE to a woman is huge. We don't fear getting old because no one wants to get old. we fear getting older, because the men in our society always go after the younger females. Society period always wants something young and fresh. We fear that as we age, we'll be forgot about, a figment of the past, old news, something that used to be. Why do you think you see all of these famous woman getting plastic surgery, and things to keep their body and face looking younger, because the pressure on an older woman is too much to deal with so no one wants to age. See, it's okay for a man to date a younger woman, but it's different for a woman to date a younger man.

WEIGHT  is one of the biggest fears of any woman. Society makes every women feel as if you have to be skinny to be pretty. if you don't have a flat stomach then you mine as well roll over and die. they show all these video girls with flat stomachs, makeup, long weave, big butts, and chest, and those are the type of females that guys drool over. So what do we as women do ? we take pills to lose weight, make yourself throw up after meals, watch every little thing we eat, workout until we're dizzy, throw pounds of makeup on our face, buy super long weave and pretend it's really ours, get breast and butt implants, wear revealing clothes just so a guy can show us the same attention that he'll give the next, all to impress these ungrateful ass men who still no matter how hard you try will turn his head for the next. 

PIERCINGS; now this is crazy.If a woman gets a piercing on her tongue she's a freak, piercing on her nipples she's nasty, piercing on her vaginal area she's a hoe, like damn if i get a piercing on my knees what that mean I like to be on my knees all the time ??? smh it's crazy.

    Then on top of that, we have to watch who we talk to, watch who we have sex with, watch how we dress, we have to watch everything, and every aspect of our lives just so we won't be judged to be something we're not it's crazy. But Men can go out and do it to whoever they want and be considered "The Man". 

     But what I learned is that regardless of the double standards , regardless of society's point of view on life, we can't let those things determine who we are as women. The sad thing about it is that Men aren't even our biggest critics, neither is society. We as women are our own biggest critics. everywhere I go I see females not liking each other over these men, or over petty shit. I see women disrespecting not only other women but themselves, which gives men free rain to disrespect us. We have to do better then that man. we have to be better than that. We have to carry children in our bodies for nine months out of our lives, no man could ever know what that feels like. no man will ever know the bond a women builds with her child while it's in her womb. no man will ever know the emotions we feel when we're lied to, or when we're in Love, or hurt. No man will ever know how deeply a women loves. That's why I don't judge females any more, because as a women, I know how it is. You'll never know the story behind a women's eyes. she can have the biggest smile on her face but crying internally. I laugh to hide the pain. 

Although being a woman is hard it is also a blessing, that's why I will never  wish I was nothing less. Women will always be emotionally, and mentally stronger than males. We as women just have to be better !!!!!!