Why did she ever go back ? Why is Love so strong ? Why can't she let go ? She thought . I mean they say you attract who you are right ? Is this Gods way of showing her who She is/was ? She tried to think back , she couldn't remember being this selfish to anyone. She was never this mean to anyone was she ? She thought back harder . What about that guy Jamar ? You broke up with him to go with that other guy right ? But she was way too young then she didn't even think that mattered . That didn't count she thought . Then she thought harder and suddenly only one clear name clouded her mind . Maurice !!!! He was a guy that she really liked more then she ever liked anyone and he liked her too a lot . They were happy together . He did anything for her with no hesitation. He was every women's dream man . But no one wanted to see them happy with each other . Their Love for each other stirred up
A lot of hateful feelings from loved ones . She didn't want him to have to choose between family and her so she just let him go . She didn't give an explanation or anything she just stopped talking to him .
Could that be the reason she's going through what she's going through ? Or maybe because she broke up with him to go with the guy she's going with now as well. Still she couldn't remember ever treating a guy like this . She was always honest if ever asked anything . She was very sincere and always let a man feel like a man .
She seemed so strong on the outside . If you were to see her you wouldn't think anything was going on . I mean her smile brightens up the day like the middle of spring . Her laugh warms your heart . And her head is always held as high as a giraffes. But the inside ; the inside ached as if she just ran a 100 mile race . Her heart pounded slowly , as if it was going to give out soon . Her mind was gone , she didn't even know who she was anymore . Her confidence slowly began to fade.
"Am I ugly", ? She asked herself . What's wrong with me ? Is it my body ? Is it because my teeth aren't super straight like every other girl ? Is it because I don't have the hair that every guy dreams of ? Is it my voice ? Is it because my voice is deep ? Is it because of my personality ? Everyone thinks I'm a gangster but I'm really an innocent little girl on the inside . Is it because I have big dark brown eyes ? TELL ME WHAT IT IS , HER MIND SCREAMED AT HER .
She was so lost she began questioning God , which she soon regretted afterwards. God why ? Why did you make me like this ? Why did you make me this way ? Why couldn't I be one of those super pretty girls that all the guys drool over ? Why did I have to have so many brothers growing up ? I hate myself . I hate my voice . I hate my body . I hate my teeth . I hate my eyes . I hate everything about me !!!!! Just take me away please !!??
What's happening to me ? She wondered ! I've never questioned God before !! I'm sorry Father ! I will never question you again ! I don't know what came over me she cried ! But please just take me with you ! I don't want to be on earth anymore . I want to be with you . I want to be at peace . I want to get away from all the negativity , the drama , the lies , the betrayal , the deception , the wickedness of this world , and the evil spirits ! I don't want it God . Please forgive me for all my sins Father . Grab my hand and take me with you she begged as tears streamed down her face like an overflowing sink .
To be continued .........
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